Who and/or What is Luvnextcy?

One month later

2006-12-03T22:52:00.000-05:00

So here I am.....over 1 month after my last blog posting. It would easy for me to just say the accident kept me away.....but the truth of the matter is, I just don't make the time to blog lately.
Anyway, an update on my injuries. If you saw me right now, you wouldn't know anything happened to me. My swollen/black eye is gone, and there is only a small bump left on my forehead that you can't really notice. I'm not walking with a cane anymore, and most of the time I walk without a limp. However something is definitely still wrong with my knee, as I can't seem to keep it in one position too long without feeling pain when I move it. I'm going for a bone-scan x-ray at the hospital this Friday....so hopefully I'll know more after that.

With that aside, I've just been settling into the 9-5 grind. If I hadn't mentioned it before, my job was a maternity leave position......however, due to some changes at work, I'm happy to say my position in now permanent. The job keeps my really busy.....but unlike teaching, I can leave it at the door when I'm done at 5 pm. I'm definitely still in the learning phase....but I am required to do as much as a veteran; I don't mind this at all, but I find it leaves me exhausted after work (hence writing on my blog has been a low priority). I'm hoping to build up enough stamina to have a life outside of work again!

Umm, what else. My first course of my degree is almost done....and I am counting the days! Everyone in my course feels that we were overworked, and I've been told that the rest of the courses are not as intense....so I'm looking forward to that. We're done next week...and the next course doesn't start till January, so I've got a nice little Christmas break.

Speaking of Christmas, my social calendar is being booked up pretty darn fast! I had one holiday party, last week and two this coming weekend. Unlike other years, I'm kinda looking forward to getting out there and socializing this holiday season.

Alright I think that's enough for now......wanna leave enough to write about in other postings. I'll try to be better this month with the blog, so that people (aka Christina) can get their "fix".

Life Just Changed!

2006-10-29T22:30:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday night, and I've been laid up in bed all day feeling like I was hit by a car........unfortunately that is exactly what happened!!

I went to the Phoenix last night with a bunch of friends. It was a crazy busy halloween night, and I was feeling some negative vibes near the end. Anyway, we all walk out and decide to head back to Scarborough to get food. I decide to ride with my friend Shaun cause he came by himself.

So we're walking south on Sherborne and then cross at the light at Gerrard. Next thing you know we've been hit by a car and are laid on on the road. What I just described I don't remember at all.....this is simply what Shaun told me happened. I remember walking, and then I remember being in an ambulance in a wheelchair, with Shaun in a stretcher beside me.

In terms of our injuries, I pretty much fell head first on the street, so my forhead and right side of my head are bruised and still swollen to the point where it hurts. I've got scrapes on my face, and my right ear got cut up pretty bad. My right knee is in sooo much pain. I've got it wrapped up now, but have to walk with a cane just to ease the pain. Shaun's knee is just as bad, if not worse, and he's got bruised ribs.

We got out of the hospital around 7-8:00 a.m. Bryan, and Shaun's friend Brent were at the hospital with us all night. Bryan actually got the front of his car messed up after we left the Phoenix, when he hit a racoon. Basically all of us who went out last night had something bad happen to us.

So from what I've been told, the person who hit us didn't stop.....he just kept on driving. How the hell do you leave two people lying on the street.....not even knowing if they're alive or not!! All we know is that it was a red car. I dont' even know who called the ambulance for us....but I thank God they did.

I'm thanking God quite a bit. I can't believe I could have died last night. I'm having a very hard time processing all of this. It's just so surreal.

MySpace

2006-10-21T16:39:00.000-04:00

O.k, I've conformed to the masses and gotten myself a myspace account (see links). Any of you who know me and have myspace feel free to add me. This in no way will replace my blog.......myspace is simply for networking and what not. My loyalty (and thoughts/words) remain with blogger.

Prayers Answered

2006-10-19T14:02:00.000-04:00

I got off the Subway this afternooon from work, and I had a new voicemail (on my new phone). It was from St. Stephen's house offering me the position!!

So my prayers were anwered. Thanks to those of you who prayed also.

Time Keeps Flying

2006-10-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

So my postings don't seem to be all that frequent nowadays; but all that means is that I have that much more to say when I do write.

So let's see. I went to a chalet near Blue Mountain this weekend, and had an awesome time. It was my friend's husbands b-day surprise. She'd been planning it for weeks now, and I give her so much respect for pulling all of it together, getting 15 people and tons of food up there, w/out ruining the surprise. Lot's of great people, food, booze and a hot tub = good times!!

In other news, I've decided to pass up on the cruise ship job. I thought long and hard about it, and after discussing it w/ someone who knows me better than most, I was able to sort out my thoughts. To put it simply, just because something is an amazing deal/opportunity, that doesn't mean you have to do it. I left my last job because I had goals I wanted to reach...I had things I wanted to do in my life....and that's not about to change just because this amazing opportunity came up. I want to do things like traveling and seeing the world on my own terms. In the end, this decision only helped my in understanding who I am and what I want.

Speaking of jobs, I had an interview today. It's an employment counselor position w/ St. Stephen's Community House at St.Claire and Bathurst. I feel really really good about my chances w/ this one....I feel I really impressed them in the interview.... plus I felt really good being there and could see myself working there. I'll definitely be praying.

Feeling Weak

2006-10-02T14:41:00.000-04:00

it's really good to hear your voice saying my name
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel
hearing those words it makes me weak

hinder - Lips of an Angel

Time Flies

2006-09-27T20:38:00.000-04:00

Wow, I can hardly believe September is almost done....time is going way too fast! And it's not like I can say I've been doing anything exciting either!

So I've been working on a contract basis doing Training, and even though it fluctuates in the amount of daily hours, I'm thankful for something steady to wake up to, and for any little money I can earn. That hasn't been keeping me busy though.....it's this online degree program. I can't seem to find a steady routine....having trouble integrating it efficiently in my daily life....and because of that it's pretty much consuming all my free time! I basically go to work and come home to read or do an assignment (actually most of the time I spend getting motivated to do an assignment). And on top of that, thanks to the fact that I have a laptop....I find myself sitting on my bed, falling asleep, with the TV directly in front of me trying to do my work! I need to get more organized.

In other news, I have this job opportunity that I'm really struggling with. I applied for a Corporate Trainer position w/ Carnival Cruises. I had the telephone interview yesterday, and it went really well. Now I have an all day orientation/interview in 2 weeks. It doesn't pay great, but it's all in USD and tax-free cause I'd be an international worker; plus I wont' have any expenses at all cause I live for free while on the ship! I'd be doing a lot of things and have a lot of responsibilities that would look amazing on my resume.....but I don't know if I can really bring myself to leave for 6-months at a time. I know 6-months isn't that long, but anyone who really knows me, knows that even though I love to travel and trying different things....I also love my stability, my routine and most of all my life in Toronto. I don't know......I'll go to the interview for the sake of it, but really and truly....I just don't know.

Quaker Motivation?

2006-09-09T23:06:00.000-04:00

I was making myself a late-night snack of Quaker instant oatmeal, when I noticed a phrase on the packet:

Positive thinking is a skill that needs constant practice.

I couldn't agree more.

Busy Week!

2006-09-09T22:47:00.000-04:00

Today I went to the AGO and saw the Andy Warhol exhibit. I must admit, I knew hardly anything about him. I really enjoyed the exhibit, especially the narrative of David Cronenberg and others throughout the exhibit.....I was actually very moved by a few pieces, and am motivated to research him and his work further. Other outings I had this week include a Blue Jays game (in a skybox) and the Metric concert at U of T yesterday.

This week I also got a little employment gig! My boss from my last workplace actually left there 2 weeks before me, and she's such a wonderful person so I have kept in touch with her. Anyway, she called me down to her new workplace on Wednesday and offered me some work. She's the VP of a subsidiary company that focuses on adult training in various area (job search, office admin., computers, etc). Basically my first job there is to create a 4-week job search program.....the only catch, I've got to do this by Wednesday!! Besides that she said I can do some part-time facilitating while looking for a full-time gig. This is a good opportunity, cause I desperately wanted to add some curriculum development to my resume.

I also officially started my online degree today. Getting used to the online format and getting organized has taking up sooooo much of my time over the past few days....but from what I've been reading from my classmates, I'm not the only one. The amount of readings is insane to me......but I guess that's cause I've been out of school for a few years; oh well, here's to learning!!

Push

2006-09-04T20:06:00.000-04:00

Push on, push forward
step by step keep walking toward the
place in life that God has saved for you
though veiled in darkness, you must believe this truth
that somehow pieces will fall into place
that someday soon you will recognize that face
that face in the mirror that seems to grow farther
you chase and you chase, and it seems to get harder
but keep pressing keep pressing, it's your only real choice
to stop is to silence your inner most voice

It's September!!

2006-09-01T17:49:00.000-04:00

Well the last long weekend of the summer is upon us, and rain or shine I plan to enjoy it! Quite frankly, I've been going abit crazy being at home lately......the joblessness has finally gotten to me. Maybe it's the years of conditioning, going back to something (usually school) in Septemeber.....whatever it is, I am definately not cool with being at home any longer.

I applied for a job I really think I'm perfect for today.....spent a long time carefully wording the coverletter. The last few interviews I went on I knew the job didnt' suit me, so I don't feel bad about not getting them. If this one doesn't work out.....well it's not what God wants for me. But I do hope God wants a job for me soon....LOL!!

Anyway, I've been keeping busy. Went to the EX on Sunday, then helped a friend move on Monday. Also been taking on some projects at home......it helps pass the time (plus it makes mom happy!). This weekend I've got two Jams to go to......figure I'll be too tired to worry about a job!!!

Shut the !@#$ Up!!

2006-08-23T21:51:00.000-04:00

A huge part of me knows this post is pointless and contradictory,but I don't care....I need to get this off my chest!

I don't even know how to articulate this really........basically this is about gossipers and my blog......I wish you (the gossipers) would learn how to keep your mouths shut and find something more productive to do than talk about other people's business.

Now I know, this is a blog, a public blog, and I should be willing to face the consequences for stuff I write on here......and believe me, I ONLY write what I'm willing to man-up about.
It's now even just about my blog....cause a few of the people I'm directing this to, gossip about the stuff I tell them verbally. If I tell you something, or you learn something about me from this blog.......if you truly care about me, and not about the news itself......then why the fuck does it have to be passed around like a cheap whore!

I'm sure there are more than a few of you reading this thinking "well if you don't want the information out there, then why are you writing it?" Well, that's not really the point I'm getting at here. As I said, I only write things that I can stand up and be responsible for later. This gossip thing is simply very irritating to me. Gossiping in general is irritating. If you pass on information, in general, cause of true concern, that's one thing......but when you're passing on shit just for the sake of having a conversation.....then really and truly, go read a book, watch a show, attend a lecture, anything so that you will have actually worthwhile stuff to talk about!!

Jobsearch Update

2006-08-23T21:44:00.000-04:00

So I've had a couple of job leads over the past week. I had one interview last Tuesday, where the founder of the place questioned why I would apply for such a job, when my education and experience allow me much much more. It was actually quite a touching conversation.....like a father talking to a son or something.

I had another lead this week, and went for an interview yesterday, though it wasn't really an interview. The lady asked me like 4 questions, then sent me to the computer to do this 2-hour test! This was after a phone interview the day before. If they call me for the final interview so be it, but all this filtering for a non-managerial job....it's putting a bad taste in my mouth. I feel confident I'll land something suitable soon. Good jobs are popping up daily now, seeing September is near.

In Montreal

2006-08-17T12:12:00.000-04:00

In Montreal since Tuesday night, coming back Saturday night. Been hanging with my friend Jason and his friend Jeremy. So far it's been pretty chill and relaxing......yesterday just did some shopping and karaoke. Today going to Quebec City and Old Montreal......tomorrow we're going to hit a jam before coming back home. I've got wireless internet in the hotel room, so I've still been searching for an applying for jobs.....and obviously blogging!

(Don't) Follow the Leader

2006-08-13T23:23:00.000-04:00

I had a bunch of things I wanted to do over the last few weeks, but didn't cause I didn't want to be a "loser" and do them on my own. Hopefully I can get that pathetic stereotype out of my head and start doing what I want regardless....cause hey, it is my life!!

Anyway, one of the things I did want to do was go to the Aids Conference kick-off concert tonight. Besides the fact that is had some of my favourite artists (Alicia Keys, Our Lady Peace, Chantal Kreviazuk), my ticket money would be going towards a very very very pressing worldwide issue. I missed the concert, but still plan to donate the money in some way.

So this is the said to be the largest ever International Aids Conference, and Toronto is fortunate enough to be holding it. It's going to full of big names, including Bill Gates, Richard Gere and Bill Clinton. I saw an interview with Stephen Lewis of the United Nations, where he was asked about his opinion on celebrity's taking a leadership role on this issue. He basically said that while he felt there support was very much needed, it was also in response to a lack of political leadership.

Our Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, has declined to attend the conference, choosing to send his minister of health instead. I find this extremely embarrassing. What must the rest of the world think of Canada's commitment to fighting this disease, when the leader of the country has better things to do than attended the largest conference ever in his own country! I didn't vote for this guy, but obviously enough people did.....and I would suggest they did so because they felt he could adequately represent our interests domestically and internationally. Well tonight domestic and international met on a grand scale......and Mr. Harper let us down.

Now I'm not writing this as Liberal, or from any real political ideology, because Lord knows Jean Cretien did the same thing (not showing up), when the conference was held in Vancouver. I'm writing this as a Canadian who is concerned about this disease,and who is embarrassed by his Prime Minister's lack of leadership.

At this moment

2006-08-09T23:11:00.000-04:00

So I just took forever to find the last time I've done one of these posts (Sept.29, 2005).

At this moment: drinking green tea, listening to music, surfing the net and generally unwinding.

What I'm listening to: as usual, ALOT. In the last few days Red (Christian Rock) and Gnarls Barkley.

What I'm reading: Life of Pi by Yann Martel

What I'm wearing: Plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt

Food: Spent the majority of my day in a car....so nothing healthy!!

Went on a mini-road trip w/ Mr. Ham to the Buffalo Niagara Airport. We got pulled over at the border and had the car searched on the way back home.......do you think it's cause we're young, black and brown? Just applied for a job as an addictions counselor....those of you who know my family situation know how difficult that was. I find myself having to read every night before going to bed......whatever happened to that book-hating youth I knew and loved?

Update

2006-08-05T23:00:00.000-04:00

So the shoulder is slowly getting better. Still supposed to have it in a sling.....but I can move it pretty well now, so I take it out of the sling more and more everyday. Still really sore, especially when I stretch it; I guess I'll know more when I go for an update next week.

Still don't have a job....which is for the most part quite alright w/ me (though I find myself anxious at times). I left my last job cause I felt I was settling.....so, God willing, I will not be forced into a position where I have to settle on a new job.

Going back to University starting in September, to get a Bachelor of Education in Adult Education from Brock University. It's via the internet, so it won't interfere w/ having a full-time job.

Been trying to balance socializing w/ family and friends, as well as spending enough time alone. Been really introspective since I've been off. I'm feeding my spiritual side, and really looking deeply at who I am to those around me.

Lately I've been feeling like an outsider in the lives of certain people....and really I never saw this coming. I've had this happen in the past w/ others, simply cause I don't fit into a certain stereotype, or I was not completely one way or totally in the same mindset of certain people.....I find I get shunned by my diverse ways, and multiple views on life. I don't get why difference and diversity is so wrong....I mean as long as there is love and trust and understanding. I don't know, maybe its me....maybe I've got too much time on my hands...maybe it'll pass. All I can do is try my best to positively grow.

Out Of Commission

2006-07-19T00:40:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to write a quick note, cause I won't be blogging for abit. See I went and dislocated my shoulder earlier tonight while playing baseball. I'm thankful Brian H. was with me, to drive me to the hospital and stay with me. As you can imagine, typing isn't exactly easy right now. Wish me a speedy recovery!!

Behind The Mask

2006-07-15T23:52:00.000-04:00

In an instant your demeanor can change.
Someone’s actions can cause in you a reaction.
Someone else’s actions can force you to change the mask you choose to wear.
Cause let’s face it, life is all about wearing masks.
And there are very few people who are brave enough to wear a see-through mask.
Sometimes that’s for the best, as it protects us from falling in our lowest moments.
But too much hiding behind masks will increase your chance of losing yourself.
Sometimes wearing masks becomes a crutch, and we lose any aspect of the self-assured, confident person we once were.
It’s easy to lie to others, and just as easy to lie to yourself.
But to catch yourself in the lie, that requires a high level of self-awareness.

Toronto In The Summer

2006-07-13T23:50:00.000-04:00

"Why would anyone want to leave Toronto in the summer?".....I've found myself saying this to more than one person during the past month. And one only needs to look at my past week or so to see what I mean.

I've been to the CHIN picnic, to witness some cultural diversity. On the way home from there, the streetcar passed the harbourfront, and I was reminded that every single weekend there's something going on down there. I've walked Queen Street at night, partaking in a Sushi dinner, and then checking out some local rock bands at the Horseshoe Tavern. I've been down to the Younge Street festival, where I saw international dancing, a spoken-word concert, a jazz band, etc., etc. I went to an upscale restaurant I could never afford, if not for the yearly Summerlicious. And I watched a vintage monster movie for free, outdoors at Dundas Square.

It's only the second week of July, and I've barely sampled a fraction of what are great city has to offer. I can't think of a more culturally rich place to spend my summer.

Tales of an Unemployed Man

2006-07-06T23:41:00.000-04:00

So week two of unemployment is almost over, and if I could summarize it in one sentence, I'd say it has been very productive, yet unproductive.

Last week was all about chilling and reflecting. Went up to KW to visit my friend Sherina. I've known her for over 12 years.....and though we spend very little time together.....her and I will always understand what is deep down inside of each other. It was quite an experience, walking down memory lane, analyzing the past, and figuring out what relevance it has to your present and future.

More introspect came last Thursday, when I attended my cousin's high school graduation. Being with all these young people, listening to the speeches....it made me remember how I felt at that moment.....how we all felt. We felt the world was at our feet, that we could be that group that would change the world, we had learned so much, and we would take all those lessons and make our world and the world in general a better place. It's been 10 years since I left high school, and I still feel those sentiments; I'm glad for that....I'm glad I didn't just "blend" into adulthood.

Last week I realized that without structure.....I will never get anything done! I could have all the time in the world to do one simple thing, but without structure....I will keep putting it off. So this week I started applying for jobs and have a daily plan of what needs to be done. I supply-taught at my old job a couple days......you know, to pay the bills. And today had the lovely experience of visiting the dentist!!

All in all, a pretty could start to my unemployment.

Road of Your Dreams

2006-06-27T17:41:00.000-04:00

A novice asked Abbot Nicerius, "What do I have to do to please God?"
"Abraham accepted strangers, and God was pleased. Elias did not like strangers, and God was pleased. David was proud of what he did, and God was pleased. The publican before the altar was ashamed of what he did, and God was pleased. John the Baptist went into the dessert, and God was pleased. Jonas went to the great city of Ninive, and God was pleased.
"So there is no forumula for this. Ask your soul what it wants to do: if you walk the road of your dreams the world will be a better place."

- written by Paulo Choelho, taken from Ode magazine, May 2006.

Mind Racing

2006-06-21T00:08:00.000-04:00

I have so many different things in my mind....in my heart....and in my vision right now. I'm definitely going through some changes right now....which I feel are completely for the positive. Been getting feedback from people I care about lately.....which I appreciate; one underlying theme I'm finding from all though is the need to pinpoint my actions/responses/changes to one facet of me. But to me that contradicts what I'm trying to do. I"m trying to seek out/embrace/remember/analyze all the facets of my being. I'm not trying to pinpoint....I'm trying to branch out and experience all that is me; if I'm changing than I owe it to myself to let all of me in on that change. Grateful to have loved ones around me who show concern.....thankful that they understand my changing doesn't equate to them being less important in my life. My journey is my journey, though all are welcome to witness and partake in the evolution.

Gotta Love Kids

2006-06-18T22:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was having a bad day, and was pretty miserable. Found myself sacrificing my time for causes I could care less about, which was even worse cause all I want to do lately is escape into my mind and figure out what's going with me.

Anyway, I'm waiting around for these obligations to end, when I get a call from my little cousin. She found out on Friday that I had quit my job, and didn't have another one lined-up. She called me with a whole bunch of jobs she thought I could do that she found in her local paper.....everything from an AZ-driver to an Accountant!! When I told her on Friday, I didn't have a clue she would be so concerned about me and feel the need to help. The girl pretty much melted my heart and helped bring some much needed balance to my day. The mind of a young person will never cease to amaze me.

Job Situation - Final Chapter

2006-06-17T00:40:00.000-04:00

So I haven't posted for awhile now. Been dealing with extended family drama, throwing awesome bbq's w/ my boys, meeting up and bonding w/ friends.....but mostly been coming to terms with changes at work.

Since the last time I posted, I've been feeling rather unmotivated at work...having difficulty putting the drama behind me. My boss was apparently having the same trouble, as she took my advice and found herself a better job outside the company! Combined with that a really good teacher at our head office left for a better position. Now there was a very proper way they could have restructured everybody to compensate for the losses, but they of course did not consult any of us and chose the less practical approach.

Part of their plan was asking me to move to head office, which is actually a compliment cause only a good facilitator could handle teaching there. But they dropped the ball on other co-workers of mine when they made this offer, and besides, I really worked hard cause of my manager, not the company.

I could have taken the position while actively job searching, but I didnt' feel that would be fair to the students, company or my c0-workers. So this past Monday....I submitted my 2-week notice!!

I feel pretty liberated, doing what I feel was best for me, depite going against the common rule of not leaving one job w/out another one lined-up. The fact is, finding the right job is a full-time job itself, and I want to be serious about my next move. I feel I have ample qualifications to land a new job sooner rather than later.

Yesterday was my manager's last day....and it was quite emotional for everyone. She has meant alot to me, and our centre. The students are also making me emotional, as they are trying to convince me to stay, not wanted to see me go....but I gotta stay true to myself.

So I've stayed true to myself, went against the norm.....and as of June 23rd, 2006.....I will be unemployed!!

Thought for Today

2006-06-09T15:28:00.000-04:00

Today I am a different person
I am not the person I was yesterday
I am constantly evolving, constantly changing
Changing my perspectives, my actions, my goals, my needs
Not recognizing the person in the mirror - cause of alarm or simply progression?

New Stuff

2006-05-29T15:05:00.000-04:00

Well it's a hot and Hazy day here in the T-Dot......hope not too many of you were affected by the TTC strike. It's a slow day at work, hence I'm posting at 3:00 in the afternoon.

So this weekend I gots two new things....one by choice and the other by necessity(sorta). First, on Saturday Doug, my cousin Steven and I headed down to Queen street for some shopping and people watching. I also took the time to do something I've been pondering for years now......I gots myself a tattoo! It's a small one, sanskrit writing on my upper right arm. I'll post a pic when it heals.

Secondly, my computer is showing signs of inevitable failure. Brian reformatted it for me last week, and since then it's running faster. But it won't let me install some critical updates, along with other random programs, and I can't turn it off through Windows, only by physically holding down the power button. So I needed a new computer, but I wanted a laptop this time to replace my desktop. To find a laptop with all the desktop features I wanted was not a cheap thing.....so I broke the bank and got a really good Toshiba. It'll take me like a week to figure out how to use the damn thing!

God always works things for the best. I found out last week I still had a job, and this week had to spend a big chunk of change on a Computer. Though I'll be curbing my spending for the next few months....I can at least sleep at night knowing I'm getting a steady paycheque.

Job Situation

2006-05-25T15:02:00.000-04:00

Update on the job drama. Tomorrow was to be my last day at PTC....was being the key word. So I told them last week I would not accept a restructuring position because a) it's too far and b) it entails and extra job and they would not be paying me what I'm worth. I left it at that, simply asking to be laid-off so I can collect EI. Well, this Tuesday I get a call from the president of the company, telling me that her and the owner talked things over, and that they really don't want to lose me. Basically the whole restructuring thing is off the table, and I can continue in my present job at my present location. So I don't have to scramble for a new job.....but my eyes are open now, and I'm looking at things very carefully.

Belated

2006-05-25T14:59:00.000-04:00

Wanna give a BIG belated b-day shout out to Sabrina!!

.....a.k.a. Sabs, Shabba, Beals, Shabadome, etc., etc.

Socializing

2006-05-15T21:52:00.000-04:00

Here's the latest updates. Last Friday (May 5th), went out and celebrated my b-day with some cosmic bowling, followed by dessert, and topped off with Johnny's burgers!! It was good times, full of surprises, and I definitely felt the love!!

The next day, Doug and I went to the sports card convention, and I "geeked-out" with him, picking up a whole bunch of hockey rookie cards. After that we went to a b-day dinner for our friend Alan. On the Sunday, went and checked out Jamie singing in her gospel choir.

The past weekend me and the boys headed on a whirlwind trip to Montreal. I woke-up at 4:30 a.m. on Saturday, picked up the guys, and we headed to Montreal. We shopped during the day, then headed back to the hotel to rest up and pre-drink. After dinner, headed to some bars and clubs, and then left Montreal by noon on Sunday. A fast-paced and crazy weekend....good times! Check out the pics on Bryan's blog (linked on the sidebar). Also check out my updated playlist....I've been listening to some awesome stuff lately

In other non-socializing news, it appears I will be in need of new employment by the end of the week. The drama slapped me in the face today....and nothings quite settled yet cause I've got some politics of my own to play....but it doesn't look to good for myself and PTC. Anyone got any contacts for me?

Ordinary Day?

2006-05-04T00:56:00.000-04:00

"Just a day, just an ordinary day. Just trying to get by."

.....who am I fooling.....Go Shorty!!!

Horoscope

2006-04-28T17:23:00.000-04:00

Taurus (April 21 — May 20)

A lucky star is watching over you. So as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "Hitch your wagon to a star." You are about to receive proof of your power to make the right things happen. Please do not doubt your potential for success.

Whoever wrote this must know that a) I don't usually get what I want, and b) everyone around me thinks they know what's best for me (better than I do).

Is the Dance Club Dead?

2006-04-23T20:36:00.000-04:00

While in Cuba, we went to the Havana Club to dance and drink every night. Everyone was there for one reason only...to have a great time! Even though everyone was drunk...it was all good, smiles and hugs all around. If you bumped into someone, you shook their hand and got to know them. The majority of people actually wanted to dance all night.This is how it was when I was a teenager, sneaking into clubs with my fake ID. My how things have changed.

Last night Bryan, Doug and I went to Tonic; my friend Jason is a promoter and that's where the party was. We missed guest list (11:30), cause the stupid RIDE program was spot checking every other intersection on Richmond street....why on earth would you spot check of drinking and driving BEFORE people get to the clubs!! So we wait 45 minutes to get in....while whole groups of people with large wallets got in after a 10 minute wait. $12 for entrance and $3 for coat check later and we're in.
We go to the bar/lounge area, as the dance floor is too crowed. We sit with our drinks, and slowly the whole area fills with 2 or 3 HUGE groups. People drinking Moet, smoking weed, talking sh#%. They spent hundreds of dollars to be in a loud club, dressed the same as everyone else, getting pissed off cause they had to share an area....F#%& Off!!!! Anyway, this one guy starts screaming at us to make room on the couches for this girl; he didn't ask us, he screamed and demanded. Thank God Jason had come by minutes earlier to say he and his friends found a corner on the dance floor to actually dance. I was soo freakin' pissed at this point!
Once we found Jason and were surrounded by friendly people who also just wanted to dance, the night got better. It's a shame I had to waste 2 hours, just to get one hour of decent dance time in. I'm one of those rare people who actually goes to a club so he can dance. It seems though...the dance club is dead.

I'm Back!

2006-04-17T22:28:00.000-04:00

My "fun in the sun" has come to an end. I got back early Sunday Morning, but my mind is still in Varadero, Cuba.
This vacation was simply amazing. I couldn't have imagined having as much fun as I did. As I promised to tell you....I did nothing bad when I was there (you'll never know the truth!!!!)
Bryan and I end up hanging out w/ almost 20 people, the majority from Canada...Ontario, Quebec and PEI. Everynight we headed to the hottest nightclub in the area, Havana Club, which happened to be a 1-minute walk from our resort. One night we tried another club, but ended up back at the Havana Club, yearning for the familiar music, surroundings and people we had hung out with all week.
During the days we chilled at the beach, along with the mutiple pools on the resort. In the evening we checked out the daily shows, and drank, played cards and chilled with everyone before heading to the club. Bryan new many of the resort staff from last year, so we caught the hookups in terms of which events to be at, and also late night snacks after partying (Ham/Cheese sandwiches baby!!!. I drank every day (which is the norm), but thankfully only got drunk once. I don't want to ever forget the good time I had.
Went to Havana for a day, which I really wanted to do. Varadero is a province solely dedicated to toursism, so you can't grasp what Cuba really is unless you venture out. We saw old and new Havana, and our tourguide gave us tons of historical facts. The country definately has it's shortcomings, but the general consensus I got was that stability was the most important thing to them.
Back to the resort. I didn't know how I would feel about all-inclusive, but I got used to it pretty fast. Our room was a short walk from everyting. If you missed the buffet meals, there were two other restaurants to get a variety of foods. The food in general was bland, but I still really enjoyed it. There were basketball courts, tennis courts, a gym, tons of daily events. During the day we met people of all ages from various backgrounds.
I know we definately lucked-out by meeting so many people our age and that we all got along .....I've heard of vacations where there was no one to hang out w/, and nights were boring...so I consider myself blessed.
So Many stories, so many memories. I can't get into all of them (and some of them will stay in Cuba!!)
Bryan just created a myspace account, check it out for all the pics from his camera.

Off To Cuba

2006-04-07T15:18:00.000-04:00

Haven't posted in over a week. Why? Well I've been more busy than I can remember being! I've had to write 2 weeks worth of reports and prepare 2 weeks worth of assignments cause I won't be here next week. Then there's grocery/house shopping and medical appointments for the parents. Also I've been dedicated to keeping my gym routine. Geez, it's a wonder I found time to by stuff and pack for this trip!

So I'm off to Cuba tomorrow, for 7 fun-filled days!! I've had numerous phone calls from my protective friends, giving me a long-list of things I cannot do when I'm there.....thank you for your concern, and I promise to tell you I did nothing bad when I return!!

I'm truly looking forward to this. My new year started out really rough emotionally. Now that I'm coming into my own and am happy with my direction, it's definitely time to live a little. I'm looking forward to partying, relaxing, witnessing a different culture, meeting new people, sunsets where I can write lyrics, songs, etc.

Hope everyone has a good week. Bye for now!

Reviews

2006-03-27T23:29:00.000-05:00

Last week was pretty busy, and I was fighting a cold, so I didn't feel like posting. Been listening to tons of music though, and actually went to a movie (for the first time in like a million years).

Right now I'm listening to an incredible cd. Dallas Green is being called the "it guy" of Canadian music these days....and with his solo cd I can see why! Dallas is a member of Alexisonfire for those of you who don't know. On his solo album he goes by the name City and Colour and the cd is called Sometimes. The whole album consists of solely acoustic guitars and Dallas Green's haunting vocals. I tried listening to the cd in my car...but I just couldn't; at home I can listen to it without distraction, with my eyes closed. My last post was lyrics from my favourite song on the album.

As mentioned, I went to see a movie....V for Vendetta. I don't care what critics want to say about this movie....it's awesome! It's got politics, it's humourous, has action, amazing acting and it opens your mind in so many ways. Some say it was over the top...but if that is in anyway true, it needed to be.

Like Knives

2006-03-27T23:25:00.000-05:00

your words are like knives
they peel my skin and pierce my soul
your body will burn tonight, but you heart will remain cold
and i will blame myself
i will blame myself for holding onto what i hoped would keep you by my side
i will blame myself
the sheets are stained with memories of your soft kiss
now this is all i have,
paper and pen to remember you with
can i have you?

Happy Steak and Sex Day!

2006-03-14T20:47:00.000-05:00

Well, today was Steak and Sex day....unofficially. Toronto urban radio station Flow 93.5 had a petition going, trying to make today the official Steak and Sex Day. What is that exactly?.....well the basic theory is, even though Valentine's Day is celebrated by both genders, it has predominantly been known to be more about making the ladies happy. So, one month later the men would like a day for their needs also....steak and sex! I actually found a good article on it on the metronews website. Stereotypical as it may be, it's not that bad of an idea (although I don't eat steak all that much)!!

In Response...

2006-03-11T17:01:00.000-05:00

O.k, so my last post has caused some concern, and most importanty, some dialogue; which is great, because that is part of the reason I started blogging. So here's my response to both Sabrina and Pritha (in no particular sequence).

Sabrina, what you said on your blog is right, my editorial comes from a place of romantic idealism. I've taken today to reflect on what prompted me to post those opinions. I think it has something to do with my recently defunct relationship. She is probably the most ambitious person I know, and even though that IN NO WAY is to blame for the relationship failing...I feel it must have been in the back of my head when I was typing yesterday.

Pritha, that response was really insightful...thank you. I used the article on Women, that happened to fall on International Women's Day, to vent my opinion on what Women AND Men are doing....in hindsight, I realize I should have said that. The point about marriage was accurate also. I used the general term marriage when I really meant relationship...romantic relationship, social partnership...whatever you want to label it.

I know that long-gone are the days when one-income (men) was enough, and it was all about the "man's" status that defined a woman. I totally support equality in every way. If a woman feels like adopting "bachelor" attitudes, then so be it; Men did it, why not Women? I for one embrace a dual-income partnership, and could care less who makes more money, as long as both parties are fulfilled. Also I support looking out for number one, taking care of your needs, whether career, financial, social, etc. to a point. It's just that....

I look at certain trends in society, like putting relationships down on the priority list, and I see this as a race to the bottom; let me explain. As I said in my last post:

"Less and Less I hear people (women in general) conveying the sentiment I have, which is...all the accomplishments in the world are great, but sharing your life with someone ranks as one of the greatest accomplishments."

Men did it for as long as I can remember...treat marriage/companionship as something they checked off on their list, and usually pretty far down on the list. Women deserve better than their lives dictated by a man's checklist. So go get your education, explore the world, buy that house, get that promotion....just like men do. BUT....to both genders....if you want the companion, you do not have to wait til the bottom of the checklist. If you WANT to wait, I'm not knocking you...I just feel that some want the relationship but everyone is competing with each other (men and women), and don't feel they can have the relationship until they have everything else.

This is the trend that is bothering me. Yes I am a hopeless romantic, yes I believe people should share their lives together, and if you find someone to share your life with (even for a moment), than don't give that up....because it is just as important as all those other things you strive to achieve.

If you never have someone to share your life with, you can be very happy...life is not soley determined by this. If I find not another person to love, I will still live my life as fully as possible. But I for one will not turn away lightly from a chance if it comes, just because there is a societal trend to put less emphasis on it.

If I've offended anyone I'm sorry. Again, thanks for the responses...the dialogue has been amazing!

Moving Along

2006-03-10T14:48:00.000-05:00

Before the posts become too far apart, here's a few lines from the life of Mark.

Last Saturday made the awful mistake of mixing drinks. One bottle of red wine + 4 cups of Mr. Hams "Ho Ho Ho" punch = puking the next morning and a hangover until Monday night!

Had my review at work this week. Got praises all around. Boss would like to see me get into curriculum development this year...so would I. Though the money leaves much to be desired, I really can't complain about my work situation.

Booked the tickets for Cuba!! Leaving April 8th for a fun-filled week in Varadero. One agonizing month of anticipation for me!!

Had an interesting discussion on International Woman's Day. Toronto Star published an article about less woman choosing to get married, and those who do, waiting much longer. As with most of my class discussions, I play the role of devil's advocate. My point was this...I understand equality, and getting over the stigma of needing a man to be considered successful; but aside from "needing", doesn't anyone "want" anymore? Less and Less I hear people (women in general) conveying the sentiment I have, which is...all the accomplishments in the world are great, but sharing your life with someone ranks as one of the greatest accomplishments. I feel so rewarded for loving and sharing the way I did. Why deprive yourself of that?

Anyway, went out for dinner with a friend that same night, and it was refreshing to here someone else feels the way I do. Makes me feel less jaded when it comes to women.

The 40/40 Club

2006-03-02T11:30:00.000-05:00

So the season of Lent is upon us. For those of you who don't know, it stems from the Catholics, and essentially you sacrifice something for forty days. This is a lead-up to Easter (the crucifixion of Christ). According to the faith, Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice (his life), and in giving our sacrifice (no matter how big or small), we are trying to better understand what he did.

I'm not Catholic, but like many other religious traditions, I like to practice it, because I feel it can only benefit me. This year I've decided to give up swearing. Those of you who see me in social settings know this will be quite a challenge!!

So what are you/would you be giving up?

Where I've Been

2006-02-25T00:26:00.000-05:00

Lately I haven't been motivated to blog (even though I've told others they should). I don't' know....I guess I've been more interested with living, than reflecting. It only makes sense......first you live it, then you reflect.
Two weekends ago was Bryan's 30th b-day bash. It was definitely good times! I'd say about 50+ came by throughout the night. It was held in a condo party room, and we had tons of games, food, drinks and socializing. I (along with my friend Nadia), actually got into the finals of this dancing game, and one a boat-cruise around Toronto. It took me a whole week to get over the pain!!
Last weekend took my cousin and his friend to the Canadian Auto Show. We walked for like 5 hours straight, with no food or rest! By the end of it I was sitting in a corner waiting for them. It's official, I can't keep up with 17 year olds anymore. After that went back to his house and cooked up a storm, then slept over and hung out with his little sister the next day. I can't express how much I love spending time with them.
Work's been alright. It was getting abit monotonous, but this week WSIB did a whole bunch of restructuring, which has brought a spark back to my training centre, and as a result, has got me refocused.
Social life...trying to have a good one. Joined a gym, trying to work out around 4 times a week. Got some friends there, so that keeps me motivated to go. It's painful right now, but I know it'll get easier as I lay down a routine. Played poker for the first time tonight. Doug taught the boys Texas Hold Em', and after one night I believe I am addicted.
I seriously think I put my foot in my mouth last night, which definitely bruises my ego....seeing I went out on a limb. Trying not to regret what I did though....sometimes you have to take a risk to get somewhere in life. Yet another life lesson learned.

Reality

2006-02-12T22:36:00.000-05:00

Reality. Definition:

1) The state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
2) All of your experiences that determine how things appear to you.

This idea of "reality" is way too complicated and completely messed up. If reality is what you experience, and everyone has individual experiences; than there are mulitple realities. And if there are mulitple realities than who really stakes claim on the authentic reality? Is it what the majority would claim to be reality? And what if the majority has been mislead by numerous factors and doesn't even realize it....then what?

I've been struggling alot with reality lately. Perhaps my blinders are on and I can't see reality. Or perhaps my reality is different from the "norm", but is still reality nonetheless. Reality is just fine and dandy if your situations and experiences fall in line with the general populous.....but what if they don't? Messed up I tell you!

No More Repairs Please!

2006-02-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

Got my cell phone back yesterday (being fixed since Dec.26th), and got my car back today (being fixed since Jan.7th). No more repairs please!!!

Happy with my car (knock on...something!). Head of the bodyshop explained alot to me, and I'm satisfied that they worked diligently and thoroughly to ensure the car was as good as new. on the outside it looks really good....better than when I first bought it. Structurally it drives pretty well indeed. It feels weird to drive though, after driving a bigger more powerful car for over a month. But my car is my car, looking at it for the first time in so long felt really nice.

I'm so tired right now. Been replying to e-mails, and what not for a few hours. Will try to update more on Sunday.

Newest Blogger

2006-02-11T00:04:00.000-05:00

One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, a true brother - Kevin, has created a blog. I've added a link on my sidebar.

Kevin, and his beautiful wife Maxine, are teaching in Japan this year (and next year). I think about him alot, and miss having him around. Anyway.....check out the blog....more insights from another part of the world!

Cultural Diversity

2006-02-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

Been meaning to write for some time now, but I simply haven't been home (except to sleep). This past weekend I partied so hard on Friday (til Saturday at 5 in the morning), that it took the whole weekend to recover. On average once a year, without planning to, I get drunk enough to last the rest of the year...this past Friday was that time!! Also, this week I started swimming; I had no clue how much of a workout it is!

So I wanted to comment on cultural diversity in our multicultural Toronto. I think some people don't know what it really means to be culturally diverse. This spawns from something I witnessed lately. I went to a restaurant/lounge, and their was this whole group of "brownies"; they were trying out somewhere new that night. This place was recently opened and for the most part had a upscale "white" demographic. The whole time their body language was closed off and the appeared clique-like. When the music came on (dance music), they just stood there looking at the "white people" dancing, like this was some sort of stage performance.

Now I have no problem with having your closest friends belong to the same culture as you....there is a cultural bond there, and many interests are shared. My problem is with people/groups that do what this group did, and then call themselves multicultural because they chose to share the same room with different people. I find this alot in Toronto. Just because you are comfortable or accustomed to being around different races all the time doesn't make you diverse. If you are going to go out and mingle, then partake in it, don't just huddle away cause it's not what you're comfortable with......that just shows your lack of diversity.

We live in a city where we can observe different cultures, learn from them, partake in them, and incorporate them into who we are. Just because you (for example) work with all Chinese people doesn't mean you've experienced asian culture, not if you only do (for example) typically "brown" things when away from work. I'm not saying people should forsake their heritage or not carry on their culture. I'm just saying if you want to consider yourself multicultural, tolerant and culturally diverse....then it won't hurt to experience it.

Male Labels

2006-01-26T21:04:00.000-05:00

From today's Toronto Star, 4 categories of masculinity:

Metrosexual
The modern urban man who has adopted traditionally feminine traits like strong aesthetic sense, attention to style and grooming and emotional sensitivity.

Retrosexual
The man who revels in stereotypical male behaviour, steadfastly clinging an old-school sense of masculinity and gender roles.

Patriarch
A modern urban man who defines himself in terms of family. He is most concerned about time spent with his family, contribution to his family and adding value to his family.

Power Seekers
A modern urban man who defines himself in terms of achievement and symbols of success, such as career title, automobiles and high-end vacations.

So fella's, which one(s) are you? And ladies, which one(s) am I?

Well Done Canada!

2006-01-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

Election 2006 is over. I must admit I've been going through somewhat of a withdrawal over the last few days. Having been so engrossed in the issues and outcomes, I've been trying to keep my political obsessions in check.

So as the title of this post suggests, I am happy with the results. No my friends I have not defected to the Conservative Party. At the end of all the bickering and lines drawn in the sand with blood, wasn't this all about doing what's right for Canada? I my opinion the voters chose the wisest of all scenario's.

Liberals got punished, but not to the point where they've been banished. Think of it this way - if you had to work all day everyday for 12 years straight, trying to do your job while keeping those calling for your head at arms length, would you not start losing perspective just a little! Canadians want focused leadership, and the Liberal party has finally been given the opportunity to figure out what that means to them again.

Stephen Harper has been given his chance, and as I hoped for, with a very short leash. Mr. Harper is walking a thin line, which means that if he wants to keep his job, only progressive and nation-enhancing decisions will come out of Ottawa while this Government sits. Piss of your party, you'll lose the people who got you here (aka Alberta and Saskatchewan). Piss off the opposition parties, and you'll loose your Government and definately lose the next election cause you made the people go back to the polls way too soon. Be a moderate and unifying voice for all Canadians and you just might stand a chance.

Don't think the political landscape of this country has shifted that much people. Conservatives got elected not because they deserved it, but because the Liberals got sloppy; and even still they won over 100 seats and the right to become Mr. Harper's watchdog. If accountablity and compramise between parties is what you wanted, my dear Canadians that is exactly what you got!!

The Family Has Arrived

2006-01-24T21:46:00.000-05:00

This post goes out to my ever increasing network of family members who have discovered I have a blog. So here's a warm welcome, and disclaimer.

You might see sides of me on this blog that aren't' best shared during family functions and that you have never been aware of. I trust you guys to realize I'm still the person you've always known, and in letting you read through this blog I'm doing what most people I know dare not do in front of their families........let it all hang out. I've had this blog for almost 2 years and don't plan on limiting what I write about anytime soon.

I've added a link to my cousin Lisa's blog. She's currently finishing off her MBA, by completing a portion of it in Paris. I enjoy seeing Paris through her eyes.

Also, I'll post my comments about the election results shortly. I was at the elections office until 1 a.m. this morning, and worked all day today......so I'm just a little bit tired!!

The Election - My Opinion

2006-01-17T19:55:00.000-05:00

So what is it that they say you shouldn't talk about with people.....ah yes, religion and politics. Well I guess I'm screwed cause I talk about both!!

I don't get the impression many of you are big on politics (based on your lack of responses to my political posts). But as you can tell, I'm kinda passionate about it. Thus far I've just been encouraging people to vote....keeping non-partisan. Tonight though, I'll cross that line, risk scrutiny, and give you my two-cents on where I believe are political future should be heading. Where to begin...

Background on me. I come from a long-line of Liberals. I have always voted Liberal. Also, my choices are not only affected by my family. I believe I am very well-read when it comes to Canadian politics, and political ideologies in general. I am a student of history and a seeker of balance.

As a "Liberal", I can honestly say that they have run an awful campaign, and based on political campaigns they do not deserve my vote. I give credit to the Conservatives for running a psychology sound campaign and connecting with the Canadian people better than the other party. Based on the campaign, the Conservatives earned my vote. But one should not vote solely based on the campaign.

Conservatives have as their slogan "Stand up for Canada". I dare to say that Canada is to fragmented to completely stand up for. Ontario is the rest of the country's "whipping-boy". Atlantic Canada is disproportionately ignored. Quebec is full of internal strife. And Western Canada appears to be more like a rival than a group of fellow provinces. Canada as a whole is a hard place for one party to stand up for completely.

In years past the Liberals had the best balance to satisfy all Canadians. In terms of ideology, the have been the center, between the left (NDP) and the right(Conservative). Those spectrums are not so stationary in today's Canada, but the Liberals have historically proven to be more central.

I can almost certainly say that the Conservatives will win this election and form the next government. Jack Layton said it best when he stated "The Liberal party has to go into the shop for repairs for awhile". With that being said, my advice is to vote Liberal....and here is why.

None of these parties deserve, or can be trusted with a majority government. They need to be accountable to all Canadians, which means all ideologies should have equal decision making power in parliament. Stephen Harper may appear less like a monster now, but I still dont' trust him.....and I believe while he earns our trust he should be given an short leash.

Why not vote NDP? Because you will be splitting the vote ( I expect criticism for that comment). It's simple math.....if you have 100 votes and split the Liberal/NDP votes equally, you will come out with Liberal 25%, NDP 25%, and Conservative 50%. Hence you give Stephen Harper a majority government. Jack Layton and the NDP have been great, and I like what he's done as part of the opposition in parliament. But Canadians aren't just going to replace the Liberals as the official opposition for the NDP because of what they did in 18 months. It's going to take time for them to gain more support. In the meantime, we run the risk of giving Mr. Harper too much power. I say let him earn that power in a minority government.

Mr. Martin did well as a minority government leader. Personally I believe it was Liberal in-fighting that did in this party. Old Cretien supporters would not let Martin run the party efficiently. The do indeed need to step back from power and fix themselves. It's unfortunate, because I believe Paul Martin is best suited as a leader of this Country.

If you live in Ontario, be cautious of a Conservative majority. Our province has been promised a lot of money from Ottawa, which is needed to keep us as the Economic heart of this country. For years we have given more money to Ottawa than any other province (or city in the case of Toronto), and have received in return far less that we have given (I'm expecting more criticism for that one). The City of Toronto is in debt, and has just been given power to set it's own city taxes. Should Harper refuse to give us our promised money, the Toronto city council will surely tax us more than we would like. Conservatives must please there power-base in Western Canada. Harper must also make good on some of his many elections promises. Somehow I see that coming at the expense of Ontario and Toronto.

I'm not trying to mimic Liberal scare-tactics. Harper deserves a chance, and the polls indicate he will have his chance. But don't give this unproven leader with a history of right-wing comments and beliefs full reign of your country. Keep him in check, let him earn your trust. Vote Liberal so that they as a powerful opposition can keep the Conservatives in check in the parliament.

Elections Links

2006-01-16T22:02:00.000-05:00

On my sidebar you will now find links to the 3 major parties in the upcoming Federal Election. The date to vote is close at hand (Monday January 23, 2006). If you are still not informed on each of these parties, visit their websites. If you are not on the voters list or don't know where to vote, click the Elections Canada link.

My two-cents on the whole thing to come!

Accident Update

2006-01-12T22:31:00.000-05:00

Thank you to those of you who commented on my last post, I appreciate your concerns and well wishes. I am indeed grateful that things were not worse, as I know they could have been so much worse.

So my body hurting, that was flu-like symptoms. But now that they have passed, my neck does hurt, especially my already chronic pinched-nerve. My Chiropractor says I'm just shaken up, and should be fine with some time. Still gotta see my doctor, as I know some massage therapy would definitely speed up the process.

My car. I know many of you have said don't worry about it. However once you've realized your alive and healthy, and have given thanks for it, other things still must be dealt with....like my car. The bodyshop called today.....$7000.00 to repair it!!! Now I know I'm not paying for it at all, but still, that shows just how bad I got hit! I was actually quite worried....with that much damage, is it worth it. I've come to love my car, and told the insurance company that when I called with concerns that they should consider writing it off. They said they won't write it off (if it was ten-grand they would consider it), but will give me a lifetime guarantee on the repairs. Still worried though....once the frame of a car has been damaged, it will never be the same. It's like breaking a major bone, once it heals your body will still never fully recover. Still the warranty does help a little. I'm going to the body shop tomorrow to investigate some more.

This week has sucked. Thank goodness it's almost over. Too many obstacles being put in my way lately. I'm sick of fighting off being jaded. I'm going to feel whatever I feel. Right now I'm jaded and cynical with life. God will pull me through and put me somewhere......that's all I know, but right now I can't begin to rationalize why my life is the way it is lately.

Unwanted Touch

2006-01-10T14:08:00.000-05:00

Back at work today, after a unforseen 3-day weekend. Got in a multi-car accident on Saturday morning.

Jamie and I had just finished dropping friends off at the airport, as they headed back to Japan. We took two cars, one for luggage and the other for people. I was following Jamie as we left the airport. Not even 10 minutes onto the highway, Jamie catches black-ice and loses control. She spins around a couple of times, hits the gaurdrail and comes to a stop. I break as soon as I see her lose control, and end up behind her, but not close to hitting her. So we're both stopped, and when I think the worst of over.....BANG!!! A small jeep behind me catches the same black-ice and though trying to avoid me, takes out the right side of my car at about 100 km/hour. He ends up in the middle of the highway with a blown-out tire and a mashed up front end. Thank goodness, it was 7:30ish on Saturday morning and there was little traffic. Futhermore, everyone walked away. So Police come, tow-trucks come, off to collision centre, file collision report, make police report, exhcange insurance info, call my insurance, get my car towed back to scarborough......and it's already 2:00 in the afternoon.

Had to take yesterday off to make sure insurance processed my claim and I got a rental car (Chrystler Seibring....not my first choice!). My Corolla is mashed up on the back right corner, bumper completely ripped off on the area; plus the trunk won't close and is folded in a little. Thanking God we are all alive, but also worried that my car may be a write-off (should know by the end of the week). I haven't even owned it for one year yet.....was finally getting attached to it. Still have 10-grand plus to pay off on it!!!!

Still haunted by seeing Jamie's face the whole time she was spinning out of control. Plus my back has started hurting today. Not sure if it's whiplash or the flu I feel coming on, but will see my Chiropractor tomorrow and get assesed. Life has definately slowed down. I know more than ever what I want in life......which is hard cause I know I can't have it right now.

"The Story"

2006-01-06T15:10:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking of everything

I used to want to be

I've been thinking of everythingOf me, of you and me

This is the story of my life

These are the lies I have created

I'm in the middle of nothing

And it's where I want to be

I'm at the bottom of everything

And I finally start to leave

This is the story of my life

These are the lies I have created

I created

And I swear to god

I've found myself

In the end

This is the story of my life

These are the lies I have created

lyrics by 30 Seconds to Mars

The Blog Police

2006-01-06T13:59:00.000-05:00

Whoever said the internet was a liberating medium with freedom of speech? Just like everything else, it's controlled by "the man" (aka corporations), and we have simply been allowed to use this medium as freely as we have.

Take today's news. A blog in China was shut down by Microsoft because the writer was discussing Chinese political relations w/ Taiwan and a recent Newspaper strike in China.

Microsoft defended itself by saying that it must adhere to the local laws of nations that use it's service. Apparently Yahoo last year provided info. to the Chinese government that helped send a guy to jail. He sent an e-mail overseas sharing his views on media controls.

Guess I should keep my mouth shut and keep away from controversy huh? Nah.....I live in Canada. Yet another reason Canadians should stop complaining about their country, without doing positive things to make it even better.

info taking from The Toronto Star

All Bad Man Lick-a-shot!!

2006-01-04T22:03:00.000-05:00

What to write about today...mmmm. Well first off, glad to see people are reading, even though it's for my selfish writing purposes, when you throw something out in public it's nice to know people see it.

I'm really into analyzing the news lately....well most of the time. And not always the headlines, cause hearing the same depressing thing all the time leaves me jaded. Not that I'm saying we should ignore the negative realities around us. Anyway.

The boxing day shooting......able to comment now without getting enraged. Glad to see CNN is still noticing us.....I mean us the negative! Regardless this was a senseless crime. If you wanna go kill someone for trivial purposes, that's one thing.....but being a complete !%#$head and firing off shots that kill innocent people, that's unjustifiable. Too many dumbass youth who take everything but reality seriously are walking around ending lives. Should we tighten our gun laws? Well that would work if the guns weren't all illegal! Personally I feel the Young Offenders Act is outdated and doesn't have the capacity to deal with modern day ignorance. All youth (including me in my day) want to act all "big and bad", yearning to be mature and be given the same rights as adults. Well bad Man (or gal), take the crime of gun possession/attempted murder/murder/aggravated assault and deal with it like the rest of society does. If you don't take life seriously, than your freedom should not be taken seriously. I'm not saying we shouldn't give youth a second chance and that they aren't worthy of rehabilitation.....just rehab somewhere safe, under watchful eyes, without your gun, and most importantly away from me!

And with a different perspective, yes innocent black people have been dying all over Toronto and didn't' get the same attention as this one innocent white teenager. To be fair though, this happened at one of the biggest tourist intersections in Toronto, the day after a "holy" day. I don't think now is the time to play the race card, all of us as human beings are begin affected by escalating gun play, and no matter how it happened, I pray we as a community are shaken enough by this incident, to do something, so that all killed would not have died in vain.

On an aside, the best current events commentary show in Canada is by far The Hour on CBC......check it out!

Shout out to all the lovers

2006-01-04T11:28:00.000-05:00

So apparently many of you, my friend, are not only in relationships, but are in love. This is a little ironic (I think), seeing that for the longest time it was I in that situation while many of you were single.

From the bottom of my heart, I am truly happy for all you love-birds. You have been priviledged and blessed to experience the most wonderful feeling this world has to offer. Enjoy it to the fullest!

Some Political Advice

2006-01-02T19:45:00.000-05:00

So the Elections here in our fine country of Canada are only 3 weeks away. Some may say only 3 weeks, while others will beg to differ and say oh God please just get it over with!! But no matter if you are following the politiking or not, I'd like to give my perspective on how you should vote.

First of all, YOU SHOULD VOTE. I know many of you are disillusioned, or simply don't give a crap.......but this is your country, and if you would like to keep your right to complain and criticize, than may I suggest you use your right to vote.

Now, this campaign is getting really pathetic if you ask me. The leaders are spewing out the same rhetoric daily, and even when they do come up with an "issue", it's usually just a surface ploy to get our attention, with no real thought or common-sense to back it up.

Last week, Liberal Finance Minister Ralph Goodale was linked to an RCMP investigation, with accusations that his office leaked information to "Bay Street", just prior to announcing fiscal changes. So the others leaders seem to have some more fuel against the liberals for the rest of the campaign, as they begin their unified chant "a vote for liberal is a vote for corruption".

Let's put this one piece of political news into perspective. First of all, Ralph Goodale's name is not in any official way linked to the RCMP's investigation......his office is. Secondly, guess where the RCMP got their tip from.......a freakin' NDP candidate!!!! Isn't it so convenient that this tip be brought out at the halfway point of a desperate election, where polls (that's another issue all together) show that the public haven't budged on their opinion. I expect this crap from the Conservative, but not the NDP (shame on me for having idealist thoughts about politicians).

My point in writing this.......don't believe the hype people, as all these parties are acting like feuding children vying for a parent's affection. This is my advice, to vote not based on the polls, or the media, or which party can make the other look worse. Vote for the person in your political riding that can best represent the needs of you and your community. Democracy is all about leadership by representation, so which candidate in your neighborhood best represents the changes and views you want?

The First

2006-01-01T19:04:00.000-05:00

Greetings boys and girls,

Back from a great night at Shannon and Sharon's house. Watched DVD's, played game cube, drank beer, listened to live music (thanks Shannon), and woke up to the most amazing breakfast! Hope you all had a safe and memorable new years bash.

So this is the first of hopefully many blog posts this year. My posting seems to be off over the past few months. Minus the obvious (the break-up), I think I've been swayed by the notion of who is reading. The fact is this past year all of my "blog circle" cut there posting down by more than half, and hardly anyone responds anymore. Furthermore, I've been concerned about the perception I give in my posts, what substance I'm throwing out there....am I showing all sides of my personality. This year.....I don't give a shit!! This is my blog, that I started as my little therapeutic diary (though I am aware it is very public), so I'm going to write to please myself. If other's like it than great.....if they get a distorted view of who I am.....oh well!

I have so many topics I want to comment on, and still have pictures to post. Hopefully it will be a fruitful year for me and my writing!

Christmas Scriptures

2005-12-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

...an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through is prophet (Isaiah): "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" - which means, "God with us."

- Matthew 1:18-23

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."

- Luke 2:8-11

Team Canada

2005-12-21T19:44:00.000-05:00

So Canada announced it's 2006 Olympic Men's Hockey roster tonight. Basically, the crew from 20002 and the 2004 world cup, with a few sentimental's along the way.

No matter what, the fact is that we have sooooo many top-notch players, that the ones not picked could contend for the Gold! I don't know if I would do any better picking this roster. But in saying that, here are my criticisms:

Curtis Joseph: This man has busted his ASS this season!! He is in a form I haven't seen in years. He is a true Canadian athlete, humble, great work-ethic, appreciative of any opportunities given to him. He above all others deserved to be on this team. Who would I remove to make room for Cujo? Hard to say...Brodeur has not had a great season, but he is Brodeur. Luongo is on a Crappy team, so his record isn't all his fault. Turco has been great this year. As I said, choosing this roster is damn hard.

Why is Todd Bertuzzi on this team.....I'll tell you why. He's on this team cause of Politics, and cause we Canadians love to help our fellow man when he is down. Bert has had to deal w/ sooo much crap since the Steve Moore incident....and I truly believe it is the number reason his game isn't' up to par this year; so yes I feel for this great player. But the fact is his play is not up to par this year, and when you have so many talented Canadians, it should be all about your play. I would have chosen the veteran Brendan Shanahan over Bertuzzi; he's having a stellar year and is such a leader.

SIDNEY CROSBY SHOULD BE ON THIS TEAM! I don't care about the pecking order, or prior experience when it comes to this kid. Since he was a child he has had the pressure of the media, and the world on his shoulders......hell Wayne Gretzky pointed this kid out before he even made it to the junior level!!! Mario Lemieux hand picked him as his replacement on Team Canada, and the coaching staff (along w/ Lemieux) have enough belief in this kid to make him an alternate captain on the Penguins. So what, you're gonna to ignore the praise of Gretzky and Lemieux. your gonna ignore his stats in this his rookie season, your gonna ignore that fact that he's carried the pressure of being the Penguins savior with such class and humility. Hockey Canada overlooked too much for the sake of seniority on this team.

Rick Nash, when healthy is the best player in the world today.....yes I said that....debate all you want. But Nash has been soo injury prone this year that he didn't really earn a spot on this team. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he'll come through in Turin (if he's healthy), but if we're going on merit, give Spezza, Stall, Marleau and Tanguay some consideration will ya!

Other's who were questionables are Draper and Doan, but I'm glad they are their for their experience, grit and heart.

Canada's talent alone should win them the Gold Medal. I give Team Canada respect for gonna with a veteran team with players who have proven themselves....I just wish they would've taken some chances on the amazing youngsters, and given spots to those who earned them. Canada is the big winner in having the difficult choice of choosing from such amazing players. Good luck to those who missed the cut next time around.

Merry Christmas?

2005-12-20T22:54:00.000-05:00

I've seen a few e-mails, and read some articles on this issue as of late; and even though I know I touched on this subject last year (see O Holy Night), something in me needs to reiterate this every year.

Merry Christmas. There I said it, are any of you offended? Well guess what.... I don't care! Let me clarify....I care about your well-being and I respect your beliefs.....but I do not care if you are offended by me saying Merry Christmas. And why should I, don't I have the right to express my beliefs like everyone else. "But Mark, what about being politically correct?"......well if I can't say Merry Christmas than who is being politically correct to me?

Listen, I'm not really angry over this issue....I'm simply trying to make a point. Throughout the year I hear lots of greeting......Happy Diwali, Happy Hanukkah, etc. etc., which I totally love, cause I love to see the pride in their eyes when they share their deepest beliefs with me. So when I say Merry Christmas this year, there really isn't any need for anyone to get offended. Everyone is so concerned about protecting the rights and beliefs of others, that my belief is brushed into a corner. When others express their beliefs they are standing up for their heritage, or preserving some purity for the generations to follow; I say Merry Christmas and I look like some insensitive and ignorant caveman!!

Yes it has become secularized and yes I love the fact that all can share in this holiday of peace and good will. Just try to remember, some of us are Christians, trying to celebrate a Christian event, and try to respect that. Merry Christmas!!

Day of rest?

2005-12-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

Finally, a day of rest...sorta. Still gotta go to lunch w/ a friend, write a report for work, finish my "holiday" cards, and clean my room!

So I've been busy....socializing that is. Last week Saturday went to a house-warming party, then to Christina's b-day party (yes Chrissy I'll send your pictures!!). Then Sunday went out for Indian Food and went crazy buying c.d.'s. This Friday I went to Karoake for 5-freakin' hours, then yesterday tackled a mall during the day and went to the Bedouin Soundclash concert at night....pictures to come.

I must say, I'm not sick of all the plans yet....quite enjoying socializing, putting myself out there, living life, etc. etc. But oh how I treasure my alone time....and look forward to it next weekend.....when everyone is with their family and I'm doing my yearly ritual of reflecting, and peaceful meditation (combined with watching movies and playing video games!!)

Math and Sex

2005-12-13T10:08:00.000-05:00

Sex is like math...u add the bed...subtract the clothes...divide the legs...leave your solution...and pray you don't multiply!

Character

2005-12-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us."

- Thomas Paine

Concrete Jungle

2005-12-08T22:02:00.000-05:00

No sun will shine in my day today
(No sun will shine.)
The high yellow moon won't come out to play
(Won't come out to play.)
Darkness has covered my light (and has changed,)
And has changed my day into night
Now where is this love to be found, won't someone tell me?
'Cause life, sweet life, must be somewhere to be found, yeah
Instead of a concrete jungle where the livin' is hardest
Concrete jungle, oh man, you've got to do your best, yeah.

Concrete Jungle - Bob Marley

Reflecting

2005-12-08T21:46:00.000-05:00

I'm not who I used to be, and furthermore I will never amount to what I wanted to be. The real question is not who I wanted to be, but who do I want to be. When I'm such a complex person, who often has polar opposite desires; when what I want changes so frequently....will I ever amount to anything?

Reflecting on choices I've made, or that have been made for me by those who were influential in my life at the time.....I see the benefit of that choice for them. I realize that life for them was made more positive, from a choice either made or affected by me. I'm I too jaded when I say, that I don't believe I've reaped the same benefits from those choices? Am I supposed to keep wandering around, having my choices benefit everyone but me? WTF.

Temper, Temper

2005-12-08T14:38:00.000-05:00

I don't understand why certain people in my life feel the need to yell at me. Anyone who knows me well, knows not to yell at me. If you do I will either take the next hours of my life, neglect the task at hand, and focus on trying to get over it; or I will lose it, go postal on you, and spend the next 2 days trying to get over it!!

I don't do well with yelling, even conflict uspsets me, but I am quite good and sorting through then and dealing with them(hence the social work background). But Yelling, no sir/madam, please don't yell at me....that action has deep deep scars for me. I would rather not ruin my day, or yours!!

Serves me right

2005-12-07T13:16:00.000-05:00

So I head off to Tim Horton's, to get myself some much needed steeped-tea, thinking the pick-me-up will get me through the day. I order a large tea, making sure the ESL attendant knows I want tea, NOT coffee. After 3 confirmations I hop back in my car and drive back to work. Guess what I'm drinking folks.....COFFEE!!!!

Need A Fix

2005-12-07T12:07:00.000-05:00

I don't think I can do it anymore, I need a fix.......of Tea that is. For the past 2 months I've been only drinking decaf tea in the mornings, and for over 1 month now (for the most part) I've only had decaf tea all day long!! I don't know if it's the change of weather or what, but it's really taking a toll on me all of a sudden. I am soooo tired, and no amount of hot or cold decaf liquid will suffice. I'm getting enough sleep, I'm not all that stressed. Perhaps it is the winter.....all I know is that I need my fix, or a fear I won't make it through the day!!

Life Goes On

2005-12-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

Life goes on....that's the saying I have on my msn. It's true I guess, I mean what do you do when life throws you down? If you stay down, what's the point, you might as well end it all. You gotta get up and keep moving....to live is to keep moving. So that's what I'm doing.

Understanding this breakup gets easier everyday. The more I speak with Jamie about it, the clearer things get. It's a shame it had to happen, but at the same time it did have to happen....and there's a part of me that feels alive now, that didn't before (even though much of the rest of me felt dead after we initially broke up).

Been rather busy lately, not knowing what to write. But I just watched A Charlie Brown Christmas (one of my all time favourites), and I felt the motivation to write. I never really analyzed that special.....I've just loved it since I was a child; but when I watched it tonight I felt some life put back in me. It really knocks the idea of commercialism during this season, and focuses on the "Christ" in Christmas. Anyone who knows me knows I can't stand the commercialism of Christmas. This year though...that stuff isn't making me jaded.....and I'm totally getting into the spirit of things.

Alright, gonna go listen to my Vince Gauraldi album and chill........my social calendar is so jam-packed this month, that I relish my downtime.

Explanation

2005-11-27T22:14:00.000-05:00

O.k., been avoiding this long enough....here's somewhat of an explanation as to what I've been absorbed with. During the month of November, my blog posts have been kinda confusing, so here's why:

On November 2nd, Jamie and I began "taking a break". Just to clarify that statement a little....I don't see it as a break; essentially our 7 year relationship has come to an end.

The background to this is too long and hurts too much to explain. If you chalked it up to one broad statement, people grow apart, and with 3-years in long-distance, doing everything possible to stay connected, it's not a surprise that our visions of the immediate future are not the same.

There's no one person or thing that caused this split. I have to give her credit for initiating it....I was content to continue fighting (to reclaim what once was), and she couldn't bear to see me love enough for the two of us in this relationship That alone shows that there is alot of love and admiration between us. Jamie doesn't know what she wants out of life; she doesn't have as many roots as I do, seeing she's been away for the past few years. She needs to take this next step in her life without the responsibilities a 7 year relationship would entail. In many ways this is like a divorce. For years now it was assumed that we would be married. Both of our extended families have accepted us, they have loved us and have treated us like we were married. I still haven't told my family, as my mother's health still worries me. I know I can't keep hiding this though.

I am saddened, relieved, lost, stuck, and every other emotion there is. We couldn't go on this way, fighting to keep this together was very taxing...even though I have no regrets for fighting as long as I did. I know no-one would have blamed me if I walked away years ago, but I had to do everything I could to save would I had worked so hard to build. I was still willing to even though it wasn't right.

We are still on good terms. I have been hiding this from everyone, so that I could deal w/ my emotions, be (for the most part) mature, and not be influenced by anything but my heart. I see her once a week or so, but that's all I can bear right now. She is my best friend, and that is the part that hurts the most. If I have any chance of keeping a healthy relationship with her in the future....I know I need time to be separate and heal now. In my past I have been vengeful, self-pitying, resentful and melo-dramatic. I have been fighting to keep all those things in check, to be mature, to be in reality.

This past weekend I've started telling a few people; writing this blog is killing me...I knew it would. I'm coming out from my protective shield, making myself vulnerable. Just to be clear.....DON'T CALL ME ASKING ME FOR MORE DETAILS OR A DEEPER EXPLANATION. If I want to talk to you about it, I will. If we are talking and you bring it up and I avoid it....respect that. I'm trying to move on in a positive and progressive manner....that's enough for me now.

KW Pics

2005-11-27T21:51:00.000-05:00

As promised, some pics from our trip to Kitchener-Waterloo

Doug and Bryan

Brian and Myself

The Boys

Reality Games

2005-11-22T14:49:00.000-05:00

Been playing hide and seek with reality lately, fighting to not spin out of control. Avoided the blog yesterday.....have so much to pour out, but not willing to step out from my shield of isolation yet.

Went to Kitchener-Waterloo with the boys (Bryan, Brian, Doug) this past weekend...will put a couple pics up soon.

Hope all are well. Excuse my cryptic ways lately....I have my reasons.

Playlist Update

2005-11-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

The playlist has been updated. Been listening to sooo much new music lately that it's hard to select. Been really diversifying....also reconnecting with conscious reggae, like Morgan Heritage and Beres Hammond. Newest editions are Bedouin Soundclash and Kardinal Offishall.

Bedouin is a Montreal based group that blends "ultra-soulful rock, roots reggae and ska. Their album has a live-at-a-small-club feel. One listen and I'm already lovin' it. They're playing at the Kool Haus in December.....definately going.

Kardinal......listen Kardi is Kardi, anyone who sleeps on this guy don't know hot sh**. The album is copy-protected, which would be just fine w/ me, except my media player won't play it!!!

Where I've Been

2005-11-16T11:24:00.000-05:00

Been back and forth. Had a few lapses, but for the most part been inching forward. Been trying to remain mature throughout uncertainty. Been trying to move ahead without running away. Been going through withdrawal. Just been.

Remember

2005-11-11T09:39:00.000-05:00

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago

We lived, saw dawn, felt sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up your quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

John McCrae - May 3, 1915

Reacquainting

2005-11-09T22:01:00.000-05:00

deja vu, but not. Reacquainting with an old friend. Through an unhealthy childhood my friend comforted me. Through times of inspiration and despair my friend has stood with me. When I needed to lose myself in something, my friend was always there to shelter me and take me away. My oldest passion, my oldest love......music.

Blind fear

2005-11-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

I can't see. I'm officially lost within my own darkness. No more fighting it, it's too powerful. Should simply accept it and let it do it's thing. Afraid to though, afraid of being lost forever. Scared, really scared.

Deception leads to blindness

2005-11-08T11:24:00.000-05:00

I feel deceived and hurt by the lies I see around me. Why should I care though, they don't' personally effect me, they don't "sin my soul". But they make it hard for me to do what I always strive to, give people the benefit of the doubt and provide human compassion. Moments like these I see myself losing perspective.... I need to stay focused.

Pendulum

2005-11-05T22:51:00.000-05:00

Up, Down. Cloudy, clear vision. Hope, futility. Love, love not.

Touch

2005-11-03T22:22:00.000-05:00

Today I killed myself a thousand times, thinking of the touch. I left my own body numerous times, agonizing about the touch. I die a slow death, over and over again, empty without the touch. I am numb, yet painfully sensitive, because of this touch. And without preparation I was confronted with the touch. What was I to do, give into it's fallacy in hopes of escaping my torture? Or walk away and continue in my purgatory? I walked away, and remain haunted by the touch.

Fall To Pieces

2005-11-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

I looked away
Then I looked back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today is the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you

- Avril Lavigne

Flu Time

2005-10-31T14:21:00.000-05:00

Well it's finally here boys and girls, bird-flu has come to Canada. Found in Manitoba and Quebec (isn't Ontario so lucky to be right in the middle of these provinces?). Don't forget to wash your hands!!

Quote of the day

2005-10-30T12:42:00.000-05:00

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell”.

Siddartha Buddha

Good Reading

2005-10-23T22:49:00.000-04:00

So I've been reading this book called The Rebel Sell....a sociological read that deals with culture, and more specifically counterculture. I've been waiting for a book I wouldn't be albe to put down for years....and now I have it. Here's a little excert of what I read today which got me thinking.

" ...why do we lay the blame for consumerism on those who are struggling to 'keep up with the Joneses'? The fault would appear to lie with the Joneses. They're the ones who started it all, by trying to one-up their neighbors. It's their desire to stand out from the crowd, to be better than everyone else, that is responsilbe for ratcheting up consumption in their community".

basically what it's saying, is the notion we have of being different, whether by dressing "alternatively", or by getting the most updated "gadget" is what is driving consumerism......not the notion of conformity.

Not Quite Ready

2005-10-21T15:46:00.000-04:00

I got a message on my phone on Tuesday; it was from a friend who I used to go to church with, and still see periodically. He wanted to invite me to a bible-study at his home, that he and his sister put on every Wednesday night; I still haven't responded (I will soon).

I'm still not ready for that yet, I don't think it's what I need at the moment. I used to be hardcore into studying the bible....then later in university I studied various religions and learned how to critically analyzed religious texts.

I haven't been "involved" with a church for over 5 years now. I originally left because I was just doing activities as my responsibilities (youth leadership council), and was losing my one-on-one with God. So I went off to find God in everyday life, in all I did.....and avoid "church mentality".

Years later I realized I stayed away too long, and missed out on fellowship and support.....I went to two extremes. But I was still pretty devout, and through all my trial in the last 3 years grew more faithful.

Lately though I questioned my beliefs to there core....and I feel I abandoned God in some way. I still believe in Jesus, but I have some deep ideological issues at the moment.

I need to spend some time with God alone, before I even attempt to study scripture as a "church-going" believer. I'm still afraid of "church mentality". I'm simply not quite ready yet.

- this post has been pretty hard to write.

The Profound Lack Thereof

2005-10-20T23:11:00.000-04:00

Been thinking of something profound to say....but I aint' got nuttin'.

Was looking at my finances, and realized all I make goes to my debts. Should be grateful I make enough money to manage my debts.

Went back to my old branch today, was nice talking to former co-workers. Something about that place brings out a positive competitive/motivating force in me. Grateful to be welcomed and missed.

Still dealing with the notion that my Mom/Aunt's are ill. Trying to embrace the idea of looking within for support; which is weird cause as an only child I just assumed I totally did that already....guess I was wrong.

Moments seem to be going slower lately....trying to fill each of them in ways which I won't regret. Makes the challenges of a changing life seem much more manageable.

Slowing down has allowed me to focus on progression....don't know if that makes any sense.....did I just say something profound?

Mom Update

2005-10-19T22:29:00.000-04:00

Mom is getting better everyday. Still don't know exactly why she fainted, be we assume her blood-pressure medication was too strong. She's getting her stiches out on Saturday, so I'll find out more then. She's moving around more everyday, and today even cooked a meal for herself. Soon she'll be back to criticizing me all day long (those who know my mom, know that is her in top shape!).

My Aunt's and cousins were in full force visiting this weekend, bringing food and checking up. Today though I hear one of my Aunt's was in the hospital on Tuesday for what they suspect is a mild stroke, and another one has surgery this weekend. This is getting to be abit much....my Aunt's are like my mom....all sisters are extremely strong; and now they're all getting weak at once. It's like someone's pulling my security blanket away or something....life is feeling that much more scary to me.

ER

2005-10-14T06:02:00.000-04:00

It's 6:00 a.m., and I'm just getting home from an enchanting 6.5 hours in the emergency room(sarcasm is a defense-mechanism....I'll try to refrain).

While I was out earlier tonight, my mother started feeling dizzy and nautious. As she proceeded to throw-up in the bathroom, her blood-pressure dropped and so did she.....head first onto the floor. After the ambulance took her away my dad called me frantically; it's a call you never want to hear...."it's an emergency, your (loved one) has been rushed to the ER".

So I rush to the hospital, freaking out at the idea of losing my mother. She's in pretty bad shape when I get there, but it's due to numerous factors (still nautious, dizzy and she cracked open her forehead). She got better throughout the night, but 6.5 hours took it's toll on me.

At first I wasn't caring about time, but then when I realized it wasn't' something fatal, I started getting pissed.....pissed at the healthcare system I already knew was screwed up. 2 hours for a CAT scan......almost 3 more hours to get her 19 stitches.....give me a break. I'm seriously considering supporting private healthcare at this moment!

I've been mentally, emotionally and physically fighting the idea that I'm the Adult as my parents are becoming the children. My dad has been like a geriatric for years now, but I still hate the fact that he acts like he's 90. My mom though....it's weird, cause even though she's been getting up there in age, getting more medical issues, acting more senior-like.....I still wanted to see her as that strong woman who did everything. Tonight's a wake-up call. I have to take my position in this family more seriously....can't be brushing off my responsibilities anymore.

God knows tonight/this morning could've been worse. She could have had a concussion, broken her neck....or even worse. Life is teaching me a hard lesson.

Thanksgiving and Widgets

2005-10-11T19:57:00.000-04:00

A nice long weekend, jam-packed yet still relaxing.

Saturday Doug, Bryan and I were in a pool tournament for like 8 hours (congrats Mr. Chong....runner up in the doubles tourney). Then I went to Korean BBQ for my friend Jason's b-day, and then cosmic bowling till after midnight.....what a freakin' long day!

Sunday chilled at my cousin's house for Thankgiving. Mad amount of food, lots of mp3 burning, and catching up with family.

Monday was at Jamie's house for Thankgiving dinner, vegetarian style. Her dad made this hype thai-themed dinner, which should be featured on the food network or something.

While at my cousins', I discovered widgets. For those who don't know, they're desktop items to jazz-up your computer. So far I've added a digital clock, the 5-day weather forcast for Toronto, a calandar and a picture frame that rotates my pictures. So many widgets...so little desktop space!

Mediocre Role-Model

2005-10-09T12:33:00.000-04:00

Sick of being your mediocre role-model
Tired of being made to feel like I’m resting on my laurels
Anxiously awaiting the day, when I’m not pulled in 4 directions
Can’t even visualize the day,
when my sincere emotions and motives are not seen as manipulations
Starting to realize, that doing what I think is best, will lead to criticism and blame
That having vision and empathy will create in me emptiness and pain
Can’t be everything to everyone, though I’ll be cursed if I don’t try
Not being true to myself (others see a selfish), will ultimately lead me to die
Frustrated, deflated, torn…….not yet suicidal
Sick of being your mediocre role-model

Communion Anyone?

2005-10-05T18:59:00.000-04:00

Was meaning to write about this a few days ago, but I seem to have gotten sick after visiting my cousins. So the Vatican has some plans brewing, to deny politicians in countries where same-sex marriage is legal, the right to receive communion. Now I'm not Catholic, but this still irks me some.
Do the Vatican think they can become rulers of the earth or something? Are they pompous enough to think that these threats will sway the world away from secular governance, where all must bow down to the Roman-Catholic doctrine (I know...I'm heading off into a whole different heap i.e. Muslim countries and George W's God-fearing politics).
It all boils down to religion vs. state. These politicians are (for the most part) doing what is democratic and fair for the common good of their countries. They decided to serve all people, of all races and faiths. Why should they be deprived of their religious rites.....because they are doing what is secularly fair? Guess what......we live in a secular society and this is not heaven on earth!! The Vatican seems to want to push society back hundreds of years, opening the floodgates for authoritarianism. Let the people choose, religion should be about choice; coming from a Christian perspective I believe that the choice should come from the heart, not forced.

Undefined Emotion

2005-10-02T23:56:00.000-04:00

Emotions are interesting little concepts aren't they? Most of them are easy to understand, as they fit into some nice little category, defined by a string of words, created by some magical wizard out there. But there are some that cannot be defined, nor contained by any language discovered as of this date. There's one emotion I've struggled to verbalize for years now, some days I feel it more than others, but for 6-odd years now it hasn't left me. It's the most frustrating thing , having this overflowing emotion inside of you, desperately wanting to explain it, but never having words that are worthy of it. For the most part I've given up on explaining it....I simply relate it to it's closest category.....Love. The best way to explain it is to show it. Because of you my love, I desire nothing more.

Update

2005-09-29T21:32:00.000-04:00

Douglas Chong is getting impatient for me to post something, so here we go:

At This Moment: writing a post, drinking a relaxing beverage.

What I'm Listening To: What am I NOT listening to. Latest cd's include Rihanna, Damian Marley and Sean Paul. At the moment I'm listen to Miri Ben-Ari....the Hip Hop Violinist.

What I'm reading: The Rebel Sell by Joseph Heath & Andrew Potter. A Sociological critique of counter-culture and the history of rebellious movements.

What I'm wearing: Black hoodie and grey sweats.

Food: Ate curry chicken and basmati rice for dinner

just joined a fantasy hockey league on the Toronto Star website. Also created a league for all my peeps to join. hit me with a message if you're interested. Finally cut my hair (it's been over 3 months). Putting some highlights in on saturday (no I'm not going through a crisis!). All right, that's it for now.

My environment

2005-09-13T21:34:00.000-04:00

Me at work

My classroom

"The real thing"

2005-09-13T21:17:00.000-04:00

"Cocaine has a long history of use and misuse in the United States. At the turn of the century dozens of nonperscription potions and cure-alls containing cocaine were sold. It was during this time that Coca-Cola was indeed the "real thing." From 1886, when it was first concocted, until 1906 when the Pure Food and Drug Act was passed, Coca-Cola contained cocaine (which has since been replaced with caffeine)."
1997 Harcourt Brace Collee Publishers

Word Verification

2005-09-13T21:14:00.000-04:00

I've turned on the word verification feature for my blog. Sorry for the extra annoying step to be able to leave comments, but I really hate those damn blog spams!

Teaching

2005-09-12T15:11:00.000-04:00

I'm swamped with homework and reports to write. I have three new students and am trying to teach myself 3 courses that I have to teach them. Yet I just had a wonderful moment I had to write about. One of my students who is pretty weak in math, and paying attention to detail in general seems to finally be coming around, cause her math homework is really really good! Small things that keep me going.

Back to .....Work?

2005-09-05T21:01:00.000-04:00

September has arrived, and for the second year it's not back-to-school for me. This year, unlike last year though, I'm o.k with that, cause I have a somewhat fulfilling job. I do miss school a bit though, the idea of just learning all day long (I know, it's the geek in me).

This weekend Brian, Doug and I made a little road trip to Niagara Falls, to say farewell to the leisure of summer and have one last hoorah before we get back to "school mentality". It was a 24-hour marathon of sights, music, food, etc. etc. (what happens at the falls, stays at the falls). Good times.....Good times!!